It is true that we “do what we have to do”…but many times the full picture isn’t seen until much later. This is where I am finding myself at this moment. A moment that saddens my heart but one I know couldn’t be helped…as we “did what we had to do”.
I have worked part-time since quitting my full-time job and starting to homeschool almost six years ago. Then this past November I quit working. Period. The Lord said NO MORE (which He had been telling me for a long time). I finally heard it VERY CLEARLY and followed His direction. From that our lives have changed even more…
I have been learning how to be a wife, mom, homeschool teacher, etc over the last six years…but I still had my jobs I HAD to do. Now my JOB is my FAMILY and I am now seeing the “repercussions” of what has been taking place over the last six years. You see…when mom works…someone else has to do what mom should be doing…our oldest son ended up being that person. Sounds wonderful, right? What a great kid, right? RIGHT. Except…now we are dealing with “other issues”. Issues I didn’t even think about previously.
What am I seeing? I am seeing an almost grown young man who has learned to take care of his younger brother more than to focus on his schoolwork. I am seeing an almost grown young man who hasn’t learned academic importance. He thinks he wants to become an architectural engineer but we have a lot to get done before that will happen.
Who do I blame? MYSELF! Yes, again, we “did what we had to do” but…we are now “paying the price”. Did I “do the best I could”? I did. But…I don’t think it was ‘good enough’ and I am now having to work my way through these feelings as well. Am I thankful for having an older son who could care for our younger son? Absolutely! There is NO WAY we could have paid for a sitter. However, when our oldest needed to care for our youngest for four hours a day four days a week…well that just kind of throws a wrench in a lot of things in a homeschooling families life. I thought we all handled it pretty well at the time, for that YEAR…but like I said, I am now seeing some of what now needs to be dealt with and changed due to “doing what we had to do” at that time.
Confused? Me too! What am I saying? I am saying that I have just now realized that I now see my oldest son as a “helper” more than a “student”…this is a problem. His schooling needs to be a top priority. Period. I am so very thankful to the Lord that He opened my eyes now and that we can start changing this NOW. That is isn’t “too late” however there are ways we will have to “suffer” due to “doing what we had to do” and we will just have to learn to accept that and remember that we did the best we could at the time.
Ugh…so many things, so many thoughts, so many…just so many…
I am thankful to the Lord for bringing all this to my attention…now we need to figure out how best to get things back to the way they are supposed to be. Mother. Teacher. Student.
I pray this post will help others who also have to be in this situation…to help you maybe look closer at what is going on in a deeper way and maybe find ways to help it to be different “in the end” than we are now experiencing. I praise the Lord for helping us make it through the different things we have gone through in the last six years and I am thankful He has shown them to us now so that we can improve on things while there is still time. I am praying for all those who are working homeschooling moms…the plate you have is FULL.
Have a wonderfully blessed day!