Hindsight

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It is true that we “do what we have to do”…but many times the full picture isn’t seen until much later. This is where I am finding myself at this moment. A moment that saddens my heart but one I know couldn’t be helped…as we “did what we had to do”.

I have worked part-time since quitting my full-time job and starting to homeschool almost six years ago. Then this past November I quit working. Period. The Lord said NO MORE (which He had been telling me for a long time). I finally heard it VERY CLEARLY and followed His direction. From that our lives have changed even more…

I have been learning how to be a wife, mom, homeschool teacher, etc over the last six years…but I still had my jobs I HAD to do. Now my JOB is my FAMILY and I am now seeing the “repercussions” of what has been taking place over the last six years. You see…when mom works…someone else has to do what mom should be doing…our oldest son ended up being that person. Sounds wonderful, right? What a great kid, right? RIGHT. Except…now we are dealing with “other issues”. Issues I didn’t even think about previously.

What am I seeing? I am seeing an almost grown young man who has learned to take care of his younger brother more than to focus on his schoolwork. I am seeing an almost grown young man who hasn’t learned academic importance. He thinks he wants to become an architectural engineer but we have a lot to get done before that will happen.

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Who do I blame? MYSELF! Yes, again, we “did what we had to do” but…we are now “paying the price”. Did I “do the best I could”? I did. But…I don’t think it was ‘good enough’ and I am now having to work my way through these feelings as well. Am I thankful for having an older son who could care for our younger son? Absolutely! There is NO WAY we could have paid for a sitter. However, when our oldest needed to care for our youngest for four hours a day four days a week…well that just kind of throws a wrench in a lot of things in a homeschooling families life. I thought we all handled it pretty well at the time, for that YEAR…but like I said, I am now seeing some of what now needs to be dealt with and changed due to “doing what we had to do” at that time.

Confused? Me too! What am I saying? I am saying that I have just now realized that I now see my oldest son as a “helper” more than a “student”…this is a problem. His schooling needs to be a top priority. Period. I am so very thankful to the Lord that He opened my eyes now and that we can start changing this NOW. That is isn’t “too late” however there are ways we will have to “suffer” due to “doing what we had to do” and we will just have to learn to accept that and remember that we did the best we could at the time.

Ugh…so many things, so many thoughts, so many…just so many…

I am thankful to the Lord for bringing all this to my attention…now we need to figure out how best to get things back to the way they are supposed to be. Mother. Teacher. Student.

I pray this post will help others who also have to be in this situation…to help you maybe look closer at what is going on in a deeper way and maybe find ways to help it to be different “in the end” than we are now experiencing. I praise the Lord for helping us make it through the different things we have gone through in the last six years and I am thankful He has shown them to us now so that we can improve on things while there is still time. I am praying for all those who are working homeschooling moms…the plate you have is FULL.

Have a wonderfully blessed day!

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6 thoughts on “Hindsight

  1. Charlotte May 9, 2014 at 1:46 pm Reply

    Dawn, I am praying for you as you switch gears. God is good to show you this! (And He showed it to you exactly when He wanted it to be shown.) I don’t have the excuse of having to work outside the home…my second daughter was premature so has trouble with learning concepts, so a couple of years ago I focused on her and let my older two study on their own. My son basically did the minimum, and forgot everything he learned the first two years of high school.

    Sons can be so hard! They need to become providers and have a vocation and when there is no motivation it is so hard. My son has no idea what he wants to do, is not good in math, and struggles in almost every subject.

    I’ll be praying for you as you focus on teaching your guy. And in God’s perfect plan, your son’s have a beautiful relationship and you have realized this before it it too late. 🙂

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  2. Leah Courtney May 9, 2014 at 9:22 pm Reply

    I was talking with some other homeschooling moms today and we said- Isn’t it great that God takes care of our kids even when we mess up?! It’s great that you were listening to Him and willing to make a needed change. But it’s also great that God can take even that time you were working part time and use it in your son’s life.
    Praying for you as you all get used to the new routines and days. And praying for wisdom as you work out those things with your son.

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  3. Sue May 10, 2014 at 12:01 pm Reply

    Dawn, I too “did what I had to do”. I truly believe I was right in the center of God’s will when I went to work for 9 years, full-time. In the same circumstances, I would do it all over again. But I do understand about how kids miss out when they don’t have a full-time parent at home. We just have to believe God is faithful and will restore what the canker worm has eaten. Father, I thank you for such an awesome son as Jesse! Let your favor surround him and give him wisdom. In Jesus Name, Amen

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  4. Dawn May 11, 2014 at 9:14 pm Reply

    Thankful that I serve a God who is more powerful and wiser than my greatest mistakes. He is faithful and capable of accomplishing His will in my children’s lives inspite of ME!!

    Yes, there are always things in hindsight that we could have done better or at least differently. But I would challenge that there were things your son learned during that time that will benefit him down the road as well.

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  5. Trudi July 12, 2014 at 2:45 pm Reply

    Fastidious answers in return of this difficulty with genuine arguments and telling
    the whole thing about that.

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  6. […] at Guiding Light Homeschool shares how she went from working fulltime, to working part time to coming home for good and the […]

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