The Lord has been speaking to my heart more and more about having my FOCUS be AT HOME. This is going to be a NEW YEAR for us…a year where I will not be working (well, I will still be cleaning our church building but no other work) and that will be a HUGE change. I have worked part-time (inside and outside the home) ever since leaving full-time employment to stay home and homeschool our boys. Unfortunately…work has to take a priority – and that it did.
However, I have decided to listen to the Lord and follow what my husband and I both believe to be true – that the husband should work and provide and the wife should take care of the home and the children. So…a couple of months ago I quit one part-time job and then kept doing another until about the beginning of this month (December). Now I only have one paying job which (as I said before) is cleaning our church building. Other than that – our home and our children are my job.
I know it seems like this should be an easy task but so far it has proven to be extremely difficult for me…for me as someone who was raised a feminist, as someone who was raised to only depend on herself, as someone who was raised with a mother who didn’t like kids, as someone who was never taught how to cook…the list goes on and on and on.
I have been trying to learn SO MUCH over the last five years of being home while working part-time…and I believe I *HAVE* learned and changed a lot… but now the HARDEST part of all…FOCUS.
My thoughts on this word are first: like a microscope. To look and examine intensely each and every thought and decision. I am learning each and every one really is very important as one always affects the next one to come.
Then focus wider: on family (instead of on everyone and everything else).
Focus on: me. It hurts to even write this but I know it is true. I have left myself out of the picture for too long, and it shows – literally. I have gained about 70 pounds over the last five years. A key sign that things are not right in my life. I have much mental and physical changes to make (and I’m sure spiritual too).
Overall I feel VERY GOOD about the direction our lives are headed…I only pray the Lord will give me daily strength to continue to grow and change into the woman, wife, mother that He has for me to be. For me not to let fear or bitterness stand in the way.
Do you have a “word of the year”? If so, please share it in the comments, I would love to hear about yours!
Now…(starting January 1, 2014) you can click HERE to hop around and visit other Crew members and see what their “Word of the Year” is as well!
Have a wonderfully blessed day!